a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
