If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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