sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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