yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
