If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
