your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
