I think i sorta joined a cult last night
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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