I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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