I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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