my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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