If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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