Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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