dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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