sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my being single is dangerous.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
