Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
