He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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