If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
