fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
