R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
