He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
