I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
