i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize