bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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