My nipple is on Facebook.
time to smoke my breakfast
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
