my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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