Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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