covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
