I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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