Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
