My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize