We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
