This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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