at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize