This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
