Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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