every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
