i'm signing you up for texting rehab
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
