low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
