I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
