I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
