Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
