cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
