Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
