All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
