I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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