I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the condom got lost in my hair
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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