whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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