The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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