do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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