I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
worst night to have a conscience
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
