Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
