Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
