i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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