It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
