Can i not drive my cunt home
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
