PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
