we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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