just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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