remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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