omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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